Amberxxxaesthetic's Blog

Okay, Im so fucking bored and I mean there is nothing to do in this whole fucking place. I want to leave and skip school but i know if I do my parents will eventually find out somehow, which is gay. [[[totally]]]. I have tons of people to call and have them come pick me up and just chill with them the rest of the day until I have to go home. Im starving, there is no one to talk to and well my cell phone has no fucking service which sucks dick. But you know whatever I dont give a fuck. Im tired and I want to take a nap but im afraid to lay down because I am going to mess up my hair. [[[Also Gay]]]!!! I have having to go to school longer than anyone else, its now fair at all. I fucking wake up at 5 am and get home around fucking 4:30 in the fucking evening. I should have the rights to be able to go home like everyone else, But NOOOO! the stupid teachers are like its against the rules. My head hurts, my stomach hurts, my arms hurt, and so do my legs[[[MY WHOLE FUCKING BODY HURTS]]]. Im typing a journal because I have nothing better to do. The teacher in this classroom is so fucking boring and she tells me to get to work in which I just ignore her and go on with what im doing. I dont give a fuck what she thinks about me, it doesn't bother me none, I mean she can have her own opinion but fuck her, I dont like her so she needs to stop talking to me. This morning was gay! I couldn't find my friend Ayla and then my ex boyfriend came up to me and was like "Why dont you love me anymore?", and all this other stuff. It made me so angry. Then I fucked up on my bag in clothing class which was also very very [[[GAY]]]! I think after I get out of this class im going to call Paulie and have him come pick me up so I dont have to go over to the other school for fucking 3 and a half more fucking hours. [[[FUCK]]] NOW my fucking shoulder hurts like fucking hell. RAWR! Now I am going to explain the whole reason why I go to school for 9 fucking hours a day. Okay well after I got out of 8th grade I decided it would be better to go to alternative school for my freshmen year in highschool too, So I did go to alternative school in 9th grade and that was the most stupidest idea I have ever fucking came up with && after the whole killing myself incident my mom decided to put me in the regular high school half time so now I go for three classes at the regular high school which is a long ass time. So I get up like everyone else and I get off school 2 hours after everyone, which is really fucking gay, Because now right when I get home I go to sleep for the rest of the night.

It wasn't that fun but it was okay. Atleast i got to see my baby. I missed him so much even if we saw each other maybe 2 days ago. I dont like not being with him. He is a sweet heart. It was so funny last night while me and rusty and my sister and her boyfriend were walking down to the park he so yeah. Micheal was all like hey rusty are you going to get some tonight and then rusty was like silent. lol. I tried so hard not to laugh it was so funny. But yeah he did get some. But Shhhh! Keep it on the down low. lol just kiddding. I love him so much. We even had my step dads famous spagetti. It was amazing. Yummy! :]]] I got maybe a couple peirces of candy. I dont like candy that much. It really isn't that great. But yeah. Sadly Rusty had to go hokme around 9:30 last night which sucked because my mom said he could stay over till 11:00 but his mom said he couldn't so yeah. Rusty is an amazing kisser. Yummy! lol. :D I would know. :] Tehe.

Im actually on hot topic's site right now looking for shit. Lol. For christmas that i might want. I pretty much get all my shit from hot topic.

Okay everyone. I had a fun ass fucking weekend except for the Sunday. The sunday just sucked. But, you know you just have to deal with it sometimes, which is gay but whatever. This is fucking gay. My teacher is a bitch she just took my fucking phone. Stupid cunt. I fucking hate this stupid alternative school its gay. I am just deciding to go to Winnetonka the whole day. I hate this shit. Its gay. My stupid ass fucking mom just called my gay teacher and told her to take my phone. FUCKING BITCH! But whatever. I dont give a shit. I hate this school & the stupid teachers. Id rather go through hell at Tonka than get my cell phone taken away by some Bitch.

Well anyways im pissed soff now. Its stupid. Well lets start with friday okay well i got home from school at like fucking 5 or some shit which is gay because thats not a regular fucking day. Its fucking GAY!

Right now i really want to kill my mom. WTF! Why the hell would she call my teacher and tell her im texting. God! She is so stupid sometimes. Its so stupid. If that fucking teacher at Pheonix doesn't let me call my mom im going to fucking walk out of this stupid trailer...I dont even know why i am  going to this school. Its not stupid & i can do anything i set my mind too and which right now im setting my mind to getting out of this stupid school. What is the point of going to an alternative program expecially if it means taking the easy way out of the whole learning shit anyways. So, i guess im just going to get over it and go to the other school. Because this school is bullshit. Bullshit with a fucking capital fucking B!

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG!
I want to kill some fucking one.
Im not doing shit here in this stupid physics class right now. Its stupid i dont care about this stuff I'd rather die than go to this school. Its just plain fucking stupid. Id rather be around people who actually are nice and wont take away my phone. God! I fucking hate my mom. She needs to die and so does that stupid teacher.

Right now im listening to Soulja Boy. They have a really good song by I Set my Friends on Fire and its called Crank Dat Calvary boy. Its a screamo fock version of Crank Dat Soulja Boy & they also have one called Crank Dat Yank. Its funny. I love the beat.

Sunday I was so stressed out i cryed & its gay because i didn't want to cry but i was so stressed out more than two people were talking to me at once and it was confuzing me. My heart started racing and i just screamed at everyone pretty much, I didn't know what else to do. I had to cool down so i fucking yelled.

Well anyways. Im bored and there is nothing to do. The bitch took away my phone and now i cant text anyone (not even my boyfriend, which is gay)!!! I need to just blow up right now its so fucking RETARDED! Grrrrrr! Rawwwrrrr! Its not funny at all. If i blow up ill get suspended. But, someone needs to chill out and its fucking me. Just all the shit is bullshit. I was even having problems with the dumb faggot guard in the hall telling me to take my headphones off. That pissed me off. I told him to back the fuck up because he was following me everywhere i fucking went it was really fucking scary, he is a fucking stalker and i pervert, then he told some fucker to come and tell me to take my headphones out again but when i took them out and i walked away from her i put them right back in. I dont listen to people i dont know and even if i dont know them i will not fucking talk to them because i really dont like people who tell me what to do even if they are adults. Its stupid. I can tell myself what to do so if i want to take my headphones out i will take them out but if someone else tells me to take them out i wont because i dont know them so they just need to get over the whole fact that i dont like them and i dont need their bullshit in my life.

Zacky Vengeance is so sexy.

Bat Country

HE who makes a beast out of himself gets rid of the pain of being a man

Caught here in a fiery blaze, won't lose my will to stay.
I tried to drive all through the night,
the heat stroke ridden weather, the barren empty sights.
No oasis here to see, the sand is singing deathless words to me.

Can't you help me as I'm startin' to burn (all alone).
Too many doses and I'm starting to get an attraction.
My confidence is leaving me on my own (all alone).
No one can save me and you know I don't want the attention.

As I adjust to my new sights the rarely tired lights will take me to new heights.
My hand is on the trigger I'm ready to ignite.
Tomorrow might not make it but everything's all right.
Mental fiction follows me; show me what it's like to be set free.

Can't you help me as I'm startin' to burn (all alone).
Too many doses and I'm starting to get an attraction.
My confidence is leaving me on my own (all alone).
No one can save me and you know I don't want the attention.

So sorry you're not here I've been sane too long my vision's so unclear.
Now take a trip with me but don't be surprised when things aren't what they seem.

Caught here in a fiery blaze, won't lose my will to stay.
These eyes won't see the same, after I flip today.

Sometimes I don't know why we'd rather live than die,
we look up towards the sky for answers to our lives.
We may get some solutions but most just pass us by,
don't want your absolution cause I can't make it right.
I'll make a beast out of myself, gets rid of all the pain of being a man.

Can't you help me as I'm startin' to burn (all alone).
Too many doses and I'm starting to get an attraction.
My confidence is leaving me on my own (all alone).
No one can save me and you know I don't want the attention.

So sorry you're not here I've been sane too long my vision's so unclear.
Now take a trip with me but don't be surprised when things aren't what they seem.
I've known it from the start all these good ideas will tear your brain apart.
Scared but you can follow me I'm too weird to live but much too rare to die.

Baby, i had so much fun with you last night. I fell more in love with you by every minute we spent together last night. My one and only true love. I want you in my life forever. Your kiss is so sweet yet tender and loving and also very caring. It surprised me when you grabbed my yhand last night and held it. I wish we could somehow re-live that night, that wonderful night of October 11th 2007. Even though my mom was there we still had some time alone. Im not nervous around you anymore. Its funny because it usually takes me a while to get used to a boy. But you are a different story and its wonderful because your better than all my exies. You are my baby. =) Never leave me. But i know you wont...and you know how i feel about you. Its a wonderful and amazing feeling. Im happy i finally got to meet you last night it was great it made me so happy...i couldn't help but smile the whole time. My mom likes you and she trusts you so keep her trust please.

I showed all my friends my picture of me & you. Its an adorable picture or us. Its my wallpaper on my phone and i totally love it...everytime i see you and me in that picture when i open my phone i smile and i always want to kiss you. I love you baby so much. Stay the same.

This is new. Im tired of not being able to trust anyone at my house. Its ridiculus. But nevermind that shit. I love someone. His name is Rusty. He is such a cutie. He makes me smile, giggle, and blush. He is a gorgeous boy. He wears girl pants, skateboard company and band t-shirts and we have a ton of things in common. He likes Happy Feet and i love Happy Feet. He has a giant mumble stuffed animal and he loves penguins. He is comming over on Halloween and its killing me because its not Halloween yet and i cant wait to see him. XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

Okay Okay. I haven't told you guys that i was in the hospital for 1 week, because i threatned to kill myself for the 2nd time. So my mom took me to the hospital which was the gayest thing ever. It was like a fucking AA meeting every day. It was killing me and they also made us wake up at like 7 in the morning like it was fucking school or some shit. I hated it but luckily the day of my parent meeting i got to go home. But, they put me on so much new medicine it was ridiculos. NOw, i go to regluar high school but only in the morning then i go to another school its kinda retarded but im not used to it just yet...Hopefully i will be soon though. It just depends on me.

I HAVE A NEW SIGNATURE!

Lol. Im so retarded.

Well i talked to Rusty the other day and i have a bad feeling that day i was talking to him and he said that he got caught stealing pills. I told him to stop but he didn't listen to me. But, now he has court and he will probably wont get a punishment that is really bad. But, it made me so mad when i found that out, because i kept telling him something bad was going to happen if he didn't stop. BUt those are the consiquences that he has to take so yeah.

But thank god he stoped for me and i love him for it.

I love you Rusty.

<3